My friend just quit his job at the Pepsi can-crushing facility...It was just soda pressing
What did the fish say when it hit the wall?
Dam. :(
I just found out that I'm color blind...the diagnosis came completely out of the purple
I just broke up with my cross-eyed boyfriend...turns out he was seeing other people
Do you know what they call someone who minds chicken coops? Chicken tender.
Doc: I'm sorry to inform you that your DNA is all backward. Patient: AND?
It's hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs...they take everything literally.
Doctor: Your body has run out of magnesium.
Me: 0mg

If you have a joke to share, please @oh_that_hat.